Upwardly Dependent » walking the delicate balance of absolute truth and overwhelming grace.

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When Krispy Kremes Are Your Anti-Drug

The Keurig isn’t cutting it anymore. I’ve moved past the one-cupper days and I watch as the recycling bin fills with empty Bailey’s creamer bottles.

This is probably because I’m not sleeping.

When 10PM comes along and everybody goes to bed, my gears are just starting to turn and I launch into an all out YES-I-can-finally-get-something-done mode.

10PM to 2AM have become the most productive hours of my day. And now I’m rocking concealer and binging on Route 44 Cokes from Sonic.

In case you haven’t been following our story, we’re moving to Asia in March. That’s 64 days from now.

We confirmed our one-way tickets yesterday and the texting conversation between our team looked like this:

I say we go for it. Purchase the tickets.
I’m pooping my pants.
Me too.
I’m going to go vomit now.

It’s funny. We’ve been planning for this move for eight years. Eight forever, long years. But now it’s time to start saying goodbyes and packing our belongings and it feels like I have no time at all.

{Enter massive amounts of stress here.}

Last week, I had plans to complete a Master’s thesis, design a family photoshoot, finish all our adoption paperwork, and save at least part of the world.

It. Did. Not. Happen.

I started seeing the signs of stress creeping in when I sat down to write and I felt the urge to fix a snack. I grabbed two leftover biscuits, stuck them in the microwave, and squeezed the mess out of my honey bear until my plate was covered in a beautiful sugary glaze.

Not too much later, my husband offered to bring home dinner so that I wouldn’t have to cook. I did what any good overwhelmed girl would do: I requested a classy burger and fries.

Things only got better as the night progressed. Our toilet was having troubles, so the man of the house was tending to this. I was rushing around with laundry separating whites from darks and trying to make sense of the madness in our home.

I walked into the bathroom and checked the progress just in time to see the water spilling over the rim of the toilet bowl onto my freshly mopped floor.

I WAS LIVID. Livid is a word I reserve to describe times when I think my eyes might pop out of the front of my head and it feels like my hair is on fire.

I ran downstairs to grab the clean towels that had just come out of the dryer.  Of course, the ironing board fell and smacked me in the side of the face.

The sight in the bathroom upstairs was just too much for me to take in.

My baby girl was laying in her pack-n-play ready to sleep. But since the bathroom is actually her bedroom by night, she was stuck in her bed with the River Nile flowing underneath.

The clean floor and the clean towels were completely ruined.

And my face was still throbbing from the stupid ironing board.

I just stood there and looked at the chaos and completely lost it. Ugly cry number six for the week.

My coping mechanism was to sit on the apartment stairs and flip through Facebook on my phone. My husband walked past me and said flatly, I’m going to the dollar store to buy a plunger now.

I may have been able to muster an, okay, but I kept sitting there nonetheless.

He walked in the door about 15 minutes later with a bag full of Krispy Kremes. He handed them to me with full permission to eat as many as I wanted.

Misery loves company, so I begged him to share them with me. I made some coffee. He made some chai. And we sat on the couch crying and laughing and stuffing our faces while white dust fell into our laps.

It was truly a pitiful sight…two grown people drowning their sorrows in powdered donuts.


So, the whole One Word resolution is going great. Thanks for asking.

I’m totally calm and relaxed. And by that I mean I’m an emotional basket case and completely uptight.

It turns out that selling all you have and moving to the third world is actually stress inducing. Making packing lists and buying clothes for your kid to wear for a year and a half is a little overwhelming.

But today is a good day. My mini-successes include actually applying makeup and resisting Sonic during happy hour.

I woke up this morning begging God to take control of my life again, and He gave me this word:

psalm 5 1-3

I’m watching to see how God makes beautiful things out of this mess that I am.

I’m watching, Lord, to see how You will use my sacrifice.


What are your coping mechanisms during stressful times? Maybe you could give me some constructive ideas. If I keep eating donuts I won’t fit into my seat on the airplane to Asia…



Cindy SidwellJanuary 15, 2014 - 11:21 pm

I believe your mother used to drink a Tab or two. Low on calories and (in my opinion) the taste will take your mind off the stress! Love your posts and will continue to pray for you.

Tina HickmanJanuary 15, 2014 - 11:36 pm

:) I can see all of this happening! Loved it. You are gonna be just fine I know. Love you :)

Sharon A. ShirleyJanuary 15, 2014 - 11:59 pm

As I told you…Coca-Cola and M&Ms can rock my world and a little ice cream at bedtime doesn’t hurt, until now. I’m facing some of the biggest stress issues of my life and all my ‘rock me’ foods sure look good right now. They beg me to be their friend…. Your stressors are truly larger than mine right now and I will keep you in my prayers. Gavin reminds me of Danny except I get M&Ms instead of donuts. See, Lauren, you didn’t run out and buy a box (Yay for Lauren)…Gavin allowed you to soothe your ruffled nerves and shared it with you. I am learning to reach for that person who loves me, pounds and all, and if he wants to buy me M&Ms every now again…it’s okay. That has helped me to lose those monumental 14 pounds since November….God allows U-turns you know, so we can stress and start again! You…will…be…fine! I’m gonna miss you guys and that sweet lil’ sidekick of yours….

April CheathamJanuary 16, 2014 - 12:13 am

I truly love your posts and how real you are in them! I have enjoyed getting to know you since I don’t know you in real life. I’ve had these days but I am not a night owl like yourself. I just try to cram it all in during the day, which works out many times just as your evening did. I am happy to be married to a man like your Gavin except my drug of choice is the large bag of M&Ms. If it was just you and your husband moving off to Asia you might not be as stressed but add in a little person and that just makes it so hard. I am praying for you!!

Gina BurkeJanuary 16, 2014 - 5:15 am

Coping mechanism? I just freak out, eat everything in sight, and cry at the drop of a hat…while denying to myself and anyone who asks that anything is wrong…until it’s all over! Of course I do pray to God during these times that His Spirit will intercede on my behalf since I obviously have no clue what to even ask of Him. If I can get a little control over my emotions, I talk it out to good friends and go for a walk or short run. Love you girl! God will see you through this!

CarlyJanuary 16, 2014 - 2:17 pm

It’s really not good that my coping mechanism is sleep. I’ll be overwhelmed with all I have to get done and to cope I have to take a nap first?!?? Maybe it’s Gods way of slowing me down and reminding me He’s in control. Thanks for your sweet posts :) Love ya friend!!

Kellie Ann MeehanJanuary 17, 2014 - 4:27 am

You have a wonderful sense of humor! FYI- we have Krispy Kreme here in SE Asia:)

Konner Blake DukeJanuary 18, 2014 - 1:22 am

Love love love this!