Upwardly Dependent » walking the delicate balance of absolute truth and overwhelming grace.

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Husbands: Keep Fighting Like Mad for Us

husbands fight for us

It always comes at the most inopportune times: The out-of-nowhere-sob.

Yesterday I came home, sweating from the walk and exhausted from language school. But there was more. Poor hubs had no idea what was about to hit him.

The simple question, How was your morning?, led to a spilling of the ol’ gut.

Because when you put yourself out there, like with a contest for a blogging trip, you put yourself in an incredibly vulnerable position.

My odds of failure are 338:1. I’m risking my pride. I’m afraid of annoying people to death. I’m likely one step closer to being told that my time to serve in a larger capacity has not yet come.

I think I exhaust people. I think no one understands me. I think it’s really hard to be my friend.

It seems that every time I sit down towrite, the core issue in each of my daily hurdles comes down to my own insecurities. And I’m not the type of person that really exudes self-doubt.

But WHOA is it ever present. Women can you feel me? She’s skinnier. She’s smarter. She has more followers.

Her kids are better piano players. Her house is better decorated. THERE ARE FRESH FLOWERS ON HER KITCHEN TABLE, for the love.

We stumble over our own feet, dragging our shriveled egos through a wilderness of notgoodenough, until we are lying face down in the pit that we probably put ourselves in to begin with.

And still, we need so desperately to be rescued.

We need someone to tell us that we are worth it. And praise Jesus for our men who keep doing just that.

You are good men. You really, really are.

You buy us pretty things. You listen to our incessant talking. You kiss our foreheads and hold our hands.

You tell us we’re beautiful and strong.

You work hard to sustain our families’ incomes. You manage our finances. You lead our churches.

And yet, through your steadfast devotion, our insecurities creep in wherever there’s a foothold.

Your compliments are so encouraging, but they are drowned out by the fashionable woman across the room.

Your gifts are so kind, but there are always bigger diamonds and larger bouquets.

Your monotonous chores are so helpful, but somehow we notice what you didn’t accomplish.

And when we focus more on that well-dressed lady or on our friends’ fancy gifts or on the unfinished business, please forgive us. Forgive us for allowing our silly comparisons to speak louder than your gracious blessings.

The truth is, we are never freed from these insecurities. No matter how much our children achieve or how many pounds we lose or how beautiful our home is.

Sometimes, we sit in front of mirrors, searching our faces for the confidence to say we are ENOUGH. And when we can’t find those words, we crawl further into the shell of our self-doubt waiting to be rescued.

To you, our husbands, perhaps it looks like we are withdrawing. Some of us hide in our rooms with stacks of books. Some of us pick fights over silly things. Some of us just cry and we can’t tell you why.

But whatever our coping mechanism, and no matter how much it appears we are rejecting your love, we are actually expressing the opposite. We are begging you to save us from the shame of our own thoughts.

We are begging you to keep fighting for us like mad—just like you did before there were rings and mortgages and babies.

We need to know that we still deserve your love. We want to believe you are happy to say those affirming words once again.

When we continue to answer that nothing is wrong, ask us a few more times. When you catch us sneaking a piece of chocolate, go ahead and give us the bag {amiright?}. When we face the other side of the bed with pitiful sniffles, pull us back close.

That is, unless you’re married to the fighter type. Then maybe a soft pat on the hip will do.

We so appreciate the words and gifts and chores. Please keep doing those things.

But when you have done all of those things and we are still upset for no apparent reason, please know that this is not because of you. Please know that we are fighting the lies in our own minds and are waiting for you to help us put them all to rest.

You are good men. You really, really are.

And we’re a complicated breed, us women.

But what happens when we come together with opposite needs, nature, and giftedness is just the most beautiful concept of God’s creation: complete dedication and true co-dependence, allowing the world to witness the sacred bond of marriage.

Thank you, husbands, for fighting like noble soldiers—rescuing our hearts from the wasteland of our own self-doubt.



Anna Copeland WrightMay 21, 2014 - 1:04 pm

I always love reading your blog! You are a talented writer and put the feelings of so many into beautiful words.

April CheathamMay 21, 2014 - 1:38 pm

My husband is my rock! I wouldn’t know what to do without him and he always knows what to say to make me feel better and to make me laugh at myself. I can be oversensitive and quick to place judgement on myself that is undue. He always reels me back in. I hope I do the same for him when he needs it. I recently read a great marriage book by a Christian Author titled Love and Respect. It has totally changed the way I look at my marriage from the outside. Paul was so right when he wrote in the NT about how men are to “love their wives” and wives are to “show their husbands respect.” We as women must be shown love above all else and our husbands crave unconditional respect. It sounds like your husband is very good at loving you even when you feel unlovable. So thankful to God that mine is too.

Lana RogersMay 21, 2014 - 2:02 pm

So beautifully written!

DeLisa CareyMay 21, 2014 - 2:03 pm


Lola-Margaret HallMay 21, 2014 - 3:26 pm

Love you for the way you lay your heart out there for all of us.

Vanessa Carr OwensMay 21, 2014 - 4:42 pm


Sassy Modest MomMay 21, 2014 - 4:51 pm

Beautiful!! Thank you for sharing! ♥

Patricia ProsserMay 21, 2014 - 8:56 pm

Love the clarity you write with that seems to straighten spiderwebs of lines of thought.

Mary KateMay 21, 2014 - 10:22 pm

I don’t know if you’ve ever read Mindful Loving, but you should. It’s of the life-changing variety.

Suzanne Wilson GillisMay 22, 2014 - 12:41 am

Love this post and your blog. Thanks Lauren.

ZachandJessica BallardMay 22, 2014 - 3:25 pm

This is amazing!

Jane MulderMay 23, 2014 - 1:14 am

Great article and I agree we women can be complicated! Keep up the good work Lauren.

Lauren Bentley BattistelliMay 23, 2014 - 3:20 am

Thank you sweet sweet soul.

Lyndsee BurlesonMay 23, 2014 - 1:25 pm

my heart hurts because you speak so truthfully words I myself feel all the time. those pinteresting moms who homeschool their kids and make their childrens clothes and coupon for groceries saving hundreds and send the extras to the soldiers and make dinner while they water their garden in their cute shoes and manicured hands. meanwhile, I don’t cook great, often broke, don’t read to my daughter as much as I want to, and sometimes she gets to bed without brushing her teeth. he’s my rock. grateful for you!